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Breakthroughs and Connections:
A Monthly
E-Newsletter from the desk of Patti
Ashley | |||||
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February 19,
2007 |
Volume 1, Number
3 | |||||
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“To
the extent that you know love, you become love. Love is more than an emotion. It is a force of nature and
therefore must contain truth.
When you say the word “love”
you may catch the feeling, but the
essence cannot be spoken. The
purest love lies where it is least expected—in unattachment.” Deepak Chopra, The Way of the
Wizard Valentines Day seems to create a tension around
who is loved and who is not loved based on a false image of love and
relationship. People who have
a significant other wonder what to give and what they will get or not
get…flowers, cards, dinner, romance, etc…. And those who are not in a
relationship may feel “unloved” and alone. We have this idea that in order to
know we are loved, people need to “do something” for us. When in reality, it isn’t at all
about doing, it is about being. What many people call love is actually
manipulation. True love is
letting go and allowing the uniqueness of the other to be what it is,
whether we like it or not.
Most of us operate out of fear. We are afraid to be alone, afraid
of what people will think if we are alone, afraid we are “unlovable,”
etc. Allowing other people to
be who they are and knowing how to ask for what we need is difficult to
imagine, because it is not how we were
raised. The most important relationship we can have is
with ourselves. Self-love is
frequently considered bad, when in fact, it is the crucial element of
loving another human being. None of us are perfect. We all have our dark sides and our
shadow material that creeps in when we least expect it. Loving another person means facing
ourselves and the true self of the other. It requires a willingness to show
up regardless of the ugliness.
It allows the shadows to illuminate the beauty and the depth of
each other. When we love ourselves enough we no longer hold
onto the expectations of what someone else will do for us. We know what we need and how to
negotiate our needs with the people we are close to. We are mature enough to accept the
differences and not hold on to someone that doesn’t want to be in our life
anymore. To truly love, we must be willing to let go and let die that
which no longer can be with us, knowing that the people who are supposed
to be in our life will be there. I can vividly recall when I was twelve years
old. I was standing in the
upstairs hallway of my childhood home a few months after my father had
died. I was listening to my
mother cry the deepest tears one can know. I could feel her pain so intensely
that I told myself I would never love anyone as much as she had loved my
father. I never wanted
to experience that much sorrow. Of course, my life did not allow me to go
without loving that much.
Instead it gave me opportunities to experience heartbreak and learn
the meaning of true love as letting go. Grief deepened me and broke my
heart open to a more profound love that never
dies. The movie Shadowlands, a biography of
C.S. Lewis, is one that I often refer to as an example of the joy and
sorrow that exists together when we deeply love another human being. One of my favorite quotes from
that movie is: “The pain now is
part of the happy then.”
One cannot exist without the other. In order to love we must be
willing to let go when it is time.
Only when we are able to see beyond love’s illusions, can we truly
love and embrace the joy of being in love.
Give yourself all of yourself in honor of
Valentines Day and the love you feel will illumine the world. Namaste!
Patti Ashley, Ph.D., Psychotherapist and Life
Process “I
have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there is no more
hurt, only more love.” Mother
Teresa Sacred Circles of
Self
What is a Mandala?
The word mandala comes from Sanskit and means “sacred
circle.” Native American
medicine wheels, Tibetan sand mandalas, windows in Gothic cathedrals, and
labyrinths are some examples of mandalas. Carl Jung used mandalas in his
psychotherapy practice and his personal life as a tool to reveal, heal and
transform images from the unconscious. | |||||
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New
Millennium Moms : Mothering Beyond
Image
Friday 7-9 PM and
Saturday 9 AM-5 PM at the beautiful Niwot Inn www.niwotinn.com (7 miles north of Saturday night Dance
Party with Kendra Howard-Espinoza from 7-9 PM, Location -TBA
~Call the Niwot Inn now if you want to stay over-night in
this very sweet bed and
breakfast~ Choose from one or more
of the following workshop
events:
Registration: Early
Late
Closing
(before 3/15) (before 3/31) (after
4/1) Friday Night 10.00
15.00
20.00 Saturday Day 90.00
95.00
100.00 Combo(Fri/Sat)95.00
105.00
115.00 SATURDAY NIGHT DANCE PARTY……………………
10.00 ####EARLY REGISTRATION BEFORE MARCH
15!!!!!#### Do you sometimes feel frustrated,
inadequate, guilty, or not good enough as a mother? This intensive weekend workshop
will explore these common experiences and help you to feel better about
yourself and your role as a mother. Designed for mothers with children
of ALL ages!
(The Saturday night dance party is designed for anyone who
likes to have fun and dance!
Bring your family and
friends!) Workshop topics include: unrealistic expectations, judgment
and guilt; self-care and support systems; unconditional love and letting
go; individual differences, self-esteem and advocacy; the paradox of being
a mother; and mindfulness, balance and authenticity as the new parenting
paradigm. Patti Ashley, Ph.D., workshop presenter,
brings over 26 years of professional and personal experiences of mothering
into this experiential weekend. Based on her research on mothering in the
new millennium. Kendra Howard-Espinoza, black belt Nia
instructor, will lead the dance party with her fantastic light
energy! To register print, complete and mail the
following registration form. 720-565-3388 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Registration for New
Millennium Moms: Mothering beyond
Image Patti
Ashley, Ph.D., psychotherapist and director of Parent Heart
Mentoring Friday, April 13, 2007 from 7-9
PM: PowerPoint presentation and discussion of
topics. Saturday, April 14, 2007 from 9 AM – 5
PM: Experiential activities including creative arts, music, dance,
meditation and small group discussion around the topics. Saturday, April 14, 2007 from 7-9
PM: Dance Party led by black belt Nia instructor, Kendra
Howard-Espinoza. An evening of dance and fun! (Location: to be announced)
Workshop held at the Niwot
Inn www.niwotinn.com (7 miles north of ~Call the
Niwot Inn 303-652-8452 as soon as possible if you want to stay over-night
in this very sweet bed and breakfast~ Choose one or more of the
following events: Early
Late
Closing
(Before 3/15)
(Before 3/31)
(After 4/1) Friday Night
10.00
15.00
20.00 Saturday Day
90.00
95.00
100.00 Combo (best price)
95.00
105.00
115.00 *SATURDAY
NIGHT DANCE PARTY 10.00* I will be attending the following
events: Friday
Night__________________
Cost (see
above)__________ Saturday
Day_________________ Cost
(see above)___________ Combo
Price__________________ Cost
(see above)___________ Saturday
Night________________ Cost
(see above)___________ Total enclosed:__________
OR Credit Card
#________________Exp.
Date:________(circle:VISA/MC) Name:_______________________Phone:____________________ Address:_______________________________________________ E-mail:________________________________________________ (Yes, I would like to be added
to Patti Ashley’s e-mail list_______) Please complete this form and send with your check to Dr. Patti Ashley, P.O. Box 234, Niwot,
CO 80544 to confirm your registration. Space is limited so register
early!) | |||||
