Breakthroughs and Connections:
A Monthly E-Newsletter from the desk of Patti Ashley
February 19, 2007
Volume 1, Number 3
“To the extent that you know love, you become love. Love is more than an emotion. It is a force of nature and therefore must contain truth. When you say the word “love” you may catch the feeling, but the essence cannot be spoken. The purest love lies where it is least expected—in unattachment.” Deepak Chopra, The Way of the Wizard
Valentines Day seems to create a tension around who is loved and who is not loved based on a false image of love and relationship. People who have a significant other wonder what to give and what they will get or not get…flowers, cards, dinner, romance, etc…. And those who are not in a relationship may feel “unloved” and alone. We have this idea that in order to know we are loved, people need to “do something” for us. When in reality, it isn’t at all about doing, it is about being.
What many people call love is actually manipulation. True love is letting go and allowing the uniqueness of the other to be what it is, whether we like it or not. Most of us operate out of fear. We are afraid to be alone, afraid of what people will think if we are alone, afraid we are “unlovable,” etc. Allowing other people to be who they are and knowing how to ask for what we need is difficult to imagine, because it is not how we were raised.
The most important relationship we can have is with ourselves. Self-love is frequently considered bad, when in fact, it is the crucial element of loving another human being. None of us are perfect. We all have our dark sides and our shadow material that creeps in when we least expect it. Loving another person means facing ourselves and the true self of the other. It requires a willingness to show up regardless of the ugliness. It allows the shadows to illuminate the beauty and the depth of each other.
When we love ourselves enough we no longer hold onto the expectations of what someone else will do for us. We know what we need and how to negotiate our needs with the people we are close to. We are mature enough to accept the differences and not hold on to someone that doesn’t want to be in our life anymore. To truly love, we must be willing to let go and let die that which no longer can be with us, knowing that the people who are supposed to be in our life will be there.
I can vividly recall when I was twelve years old. I was standing in the upstairs hallway of my childhood home a few months after my father had died. I was listening to my mother cry the deepest tears one can know. I could feel her pain so intensely that I told myself I would never love anyone as much as she had loved my father. I never wanted to experience that much sorrow.
Of course, my life did not allow me to go without loving that much. Instead it gave me opportunities to experience heartbreak and learn the meaning of true love as letting go. Grief deepened me and broke my heart open to a more profound love that never dies.
The movie Shadowlands, a biography of C.S. Lewis, is one that I often refer to as an example of the joy and sorrow that exists together when we deeply love another human being. One of my favorite quotes from that movie is: “The pain now is part of the happy then.” One cannot exist without the other. In order to love we must be willing to let go when it is time. Only when we are able to see beyond love’s illusions, can we truly love and embrace the joy of being in love.
Give yourself all of yourself in honor of Valentines Day and the love you feel will illumine the world. Namaste!
Patti Ashley, Ph.D., Psychotherapist and Life
“I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there is no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Teresa
Sacred Circles of Self
What is a Mandala?
The word mandala comes from Sanskit and means “sacred circle.” Native American medicine wheels, Tibetan sand mandalas, windows in Gothic cathedrals, and labyrinths are some examples of mandalas. Carl Jung used mandalas in his psychotherapy practice and his personal life as a tool to reveal, heal and transform images from the unconscious.
New Millennium Moms : Mothering Beyond Image
Friday 7-9 PM and
Saturday 9 AM-5 PM at the beautiful Niwot Inn www.niwotinn.com (7 miles north of
Saturday night Dance Party with Kendra Howard-Espinoza from 7-9 PM, Location -TBA
~Call the Niwot Inn now if you want to stay over-night in this very sweet bed and breakfast~
Choose from one or more of the following workshop events:
Registration: Early Late Closing
(before 3/15) (before 3/31) (after 4/1)
Friday Night 10.00 15.00 20.00
Saturday Day 90.00 95.00 100.00
Combo(Fri/Sat)95.00 105.00 115.00
SATURDAY NIGHT DANCE PARTY…………………… 10.00
####EARLY REGISTRATION BEFORE MARCH 15!!!!!####
Do you sometimes feel frustrated, inadequate, guilty, or not good enough as a mother? This intensive weekend workshop will explore these common experiences and help you to feel better about yourself and your role as a mother. Designed for mothers with children of ALL ages!
(The Saturday night dance party is designed for anyone who likes to have fun and dance! Bring your family and friends!)
Workshop topics include: unrealistic expectations, judgment and guilt; self-care and support systems; unconditional love and letting go; individual differences, self-esteem and advocacy; the paradox of being a mother; and mindfulness, balance and authenticity as the new parenting paradigm.
Patti Ashley, Ph.D., workshop presenter, brings over 26 years of professional and personal experiences of mothering into this experiential weekend. Based on her research on mothering in the new millennium.
Kendra Howard-Espinoza, black belt Nia instructor, will lead the dance party with her fantastic light energy!
To register print, complete and mail the following registration form.
Registration for New Millennium Moms:
Mothering beyond Image
Patti Ashley, Ph.D., psychotherapist and director of Parent Heart Mentoring
Friday, April 13, 2007 from 7-9 PM: PowerPoint presentation and discussion of topics.
Saturday, April 14, 2007 from 9 AM – 5 PM: Experiential activities including creative arts, music, dance, meditation and small group discussion around the topics.
Saturday, April 14, 2007 from 7-9 PM: Dance Party led by black belt Nia instructor, Kendra Howard-Espinoza. An evening of dance and fun! (Location: to be announced)
Workshop held at the Niwot
Inn www.niwotinn.com (7 miles north of
~Call the Niwot Inn 303-652-8452 as soon as possible if you want to stay over-night in this very sweet bed and breakfast~
Choose one or more of the following events:
Early Late Closing
(Before 3/15) (Before 3/31) (After 4/1)
Friday Night 10.00 15.00 20.00
Saturday Day 90.00 95.00 100.00
Combo (best price) 95.00 105.00 115.00
*SATURDAY NIGHT DANCE PARTY 10.00*
I will be attending the following events:
Friday Night__________________ Cost (see above)__________
Saturday Day_________________ Cost (see above)___________
Combo Price__________________ Cost (see above)___________
Saturday Night________________ Cost (see above)___________
OR Credit Card #________________Exp. Date:________(circle:VISA/MC)
(Yes, I would like to be added to Patti Ashley’s e-mail list_______)
Please complete this form and send with your check to Dr. Patti Ashley, P.O. Box 234, Niwot, CO 80544 to confirm your registration. Space is limited so register early!)